when you gotta go...

and then... she pee'd her pants!

friends

It's in time like these that we really know who our friends are... I'm SO thankful for everyone that has reached out during these fires... This is when humans need to come together for the greater good... and I have been witness to the incredible force that arises during a crisis.

1 + 2 + 3 = ?

1. fire + wind + asthma = NOT good. (having a hard time breathing)

2. modjeska canyon burned + homeless horses = now what?

3. testosterone + fire loving bastard = ARSONIST!

and that's ALL I'm going to say!

Trail, Wind and Fire

Because the wind/fire are so BAD today there was NO trail ride... I do have a pic of my niece with Grace from yesterday... As we were leaving the house, Bekah's fiance told her, "Don't you get up on that horse. She tried to dump my Dad last week." As you can SEE the women in my family are SO obedient.

BTW the "illegal drive" in the church parking lot has been leaked! :) And I'm still alive to tell about it. They weren't mad at all... my sister and her husband didn't mind that I let their (just turned) 12 year old son drive MY car. Wheeewww

My back yard is blown UP! But here's an amazing thing... I was tired of the wild birds trying to eat the fish in my pond... So, I built them a "table"... and would you believe... NOTHING is "standing" in my back yard...except that jimmy-rigged bird feeder??? It even still has the bird seed I put on there a couple days ago...

Malibu is burning... Hey Georgia... ya think we can borrow some water?

Leaving church today... someone pressed $100 in my hand and said, "I haven't forgotten your horse..." Yay! That's enough for feed for a month! I'm thankful.

a real saddle

And then... I ran out of space on my camera ~ I rode Grace today... with a real saddle! It was smooooth and graceful... I'm taking her out on the trail tomorrow for the first time. We'll see how she does. Just walking her (on the ground) through the trail ~ well, she'd never met a rooster before and when we got up by them, she spooked. But I was on the ground ~ much easier to let go of the lead rope and let her kick around from the ground, rather than from in the saddle. ;) Got myself a helmet though...

Fantastic

Fantastic!

Church was... hmmm... a promise fulfilled, a transition and church restored! Our new pastor began his leg of the race for our humble little church today... There is no way to express the wonder of my GOD ~ our pastor died two years ago... and we've been struggling as a congregation, yet held fast to the promise the God would bring us a man after His own heart... Pastor Phillip De Courcy IS that promise fulfilled.

After church, I went out to my beautiful Grace... Mr. V and I walked her down to the public arena to "seat" her for the first time. He looked at me,
"You want to go first?"
"Nah, why don't YOU go first?" (I ain't THAT brave)

So, he got on her back... she walked a few steps...and reared UP! Didn't throw him though. My turn... He told me to walk her around the arena (holding the reins). Grace and I set out... but I tied the reins to the saddle, with enough slack... and we did our dance (that we've been doing for the past 5 weeks). She followed me and responded to all my voice commands. Mr. V was impressed ~ said he could tell I've been working with her. Then I climbed up on the fence...and eased my "seat" onto her back... and with a little nudge from my boot, we set out to walk, slowly... no threat of a "spook". THEN a lady on her horse came into the arena and "loped" her gelding. Okay... so THEN I was nervous! One wrong move and was hamburger meat! I just talked her through... and our pleasant, peaceful ride continued.

She didn't rear up or try to walk me into the fence or try to throw me... It was fantastic!

Big Trouble

I'm in BIG trouble!

First off... the luncheon thing was rather enlightening and enjoyable. I was fortunate to sit at a table with some "real" people. Of course, I felt like kicking myself when the gentleman sitting next to me (whom I had been teasing unmercifully) ended up being the president of the sponsoring hospital. Ooops. He was "amused" by me though...

So, Wednesday I dropped my (just turned) 12 year old nephew at the church for his Bible study... We got there early and had some time to kill.

"What do you want to do Jonathan?"

"Ummm I wanna drive."

"Okay."

"Really?!"

"Sure."

We traded seats... I gave him a quick driver's training class and he put it in drive and did GREAT! He drove around the parking lot... no problems. THEN my phone rang. I swear mother's have ESP! It was my sister. I panicked! Don't answer it ~ YOU can't hide anything and she'll know you're up to no good. A few min. later I see the Jr. High pastor come out of the building, on his cell phone and he was laughing! I jumped out of the car, "Is that my sister?! Don't tell her anything!" LOL

Now when I see my sister or her husband on the caller ID, I break out in a cold sweat... So far... So good... NO mention of the illegal driving session in the church parking lot. :)

Have you ever done anything that at the time it seemed logical, fun or you simply weren't thinking? Then shrink cuz you know... you just know the potential consequences... and know it's just a matter of time before you get caught...

Yeah... I'm in BIG trouble ~ I just don't know WHEN I'm going to actually get in trouble...

Wanna fly anyone?

Time

I remember when I first got out of treatment (over 10 years ago)... I was SO lonely. It seemed like people on the "outside" just didn't understand me. Life at the treatment center was hard, but at least I was with people who understood what I was going through...

Sometimes... in the middle of the night... the lonliness was unbearable ~ but who could I call?

It was around 2 am and I couldn't sleep... I had been crying for hours... yet there was not a soul I could call... SO, I called time...just to hear a friendly voice. You think I'm kidding?! She would answer, "At the tone the time will be..." Some how, some way that soothed me. She was consistent. She was exact. She didn't lie to me. Time.

In the past ten years, I've become dependent on the Time operator... ALL my clocks were set precisely to her "consistent, exact, honest" time. I have felt secure in knowing my clocks were accurate.

The other day, I was mowing my yard...and I blew a circuit. Thus I had to reset ALL the clocks in my house. I got the phone and called the Time operator (853-1212)... and this is what I heard...

"Effective September 19, 2007 the time announcement information service has been discontinued. We apologize for any inconvenience."

ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME? INCONVENIENCE?! I'VE BEEN ABANDONED BY THE TIME OPERATOR!!! WHAT POLITICIAN CUT THE TIME ANNOUNCEMENT? GIVE ME HIS NUMBER ~ I WANT TO FILE A COMPLAINT!

It sucks... when you just want to hear a friendly voice and the only person you could ever truly count on to be there (night or day) has been discontinued... and it doubly sucks, when all the clocks in your house are reporting a different time!

My "fuck 'em" mother is getting married.

Wheels ARE spinning...

She's getting purple nail polish too...

Note that her ears are pinned back ~ that's when you KNOW a horse is pissed off! Grace only tried to kick him 2 x's! He said her back legs are swollen ~ prolly from kicking the metal fence or the other horses and she has "infections" in two hooves (I won't even go into what that means or what it's from ~ it's gross). But what that really means is ~ I have to pour peroxide in 'em daily AND paint her hooves with some stuff he couldn't spell, but it's purple.

When her "manicure" was all over... she cried on my shoulder. I am NOT exaggerating... she put her nose in my neck and pouted... even did the little lip quiver thing. It was when she attempted to BLOW her NOSE on my sweater that I put a stop to that... I told her to "man up"!

As Mike was leaving, he told me about two horses that were recently dumped in the river bed ~ they are up for adoption... Hmmmm think they'd get along with a wild baby mustang?

And we ARE moving! I'm waiting for the zoning permit thing... At first my Mom didn't go for it. So, I rallied the troops (my brother, sister, dad and our closest friends)... She didn't have a chance against all of us. I think she's just worried that if I get the zoning stuff approved... I'll end up with ALL kinds of animals ~ heck I'm already plotting ~ there's a llama in need of a home... a pot bellied pig at the pound... not to mention ALL them dogs! :)

*** we interrupt this program to bring you the following report. My friend JUST called... there's another horse in need of rescue... The lady went to look at him and said he needs a home ASAP. Hmmm my wheels ARE spinning...

Vet Check

So... Grace had her "vet check" today. Umm have YOU ever seen a horse dewormed? Me either. My friend called just before the doc got there...

She said, "Krista, have you ever seen a horse dewormed?"

I said, "ummm No."

She then proceeded to tell me, "... well they put a needle down her nose..."

I cut her off! I couldn't hear about it. So, the doc gets there... I get her harnessed and bring her out. The assistant gets a GOOD hold of her... I was going to take a picture of her first "vet check" (awww how cute), but when I came to.......... YOU think I'm kidding! It was HORRIBLE! She reared up and like 'ta took his head OFF. He said, "Lady, when she puts on some weight, you're gonna have a lot of horse to handle!" He mentioned something about her being "spirited" before he left. :)

I called K back, "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT WAS GOING TO BE THAT BAD?!"

She said, "WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?!"

Doc said she's still too skinny to ride. Her withers stand up so high... it would literally hurt her to put a saddle on. That's kinda a good thing, cuz I don't have a saddle. I'm trying to sell my Vespa ~ so that I can buy a saddle... And I am even more convinced that she WILL throw me (I've been thrown before ~ never mind that I broke my tail bone...and my nose...and my collar bone...and my head...) 'specially because I LED her to her trauma today. AND tomorrow she's getting a "manicure". Have you ever seen a horse get it's hooves trimmed? It ain't pretty.

My sweet, half starved mare... IS coming out of her emotional "coma". I WILL ride her. It's almost like breaking a horse for the first time...

Speaking of breaking a horse... the mustangs are arriving soon. Wild baby mustangs... I want one! I can break it...and the kicks won't hurt as bad. I've broken a horse before... nobody said it was easy. Some say ~ Mustangs can't be tamed. But then... some say that about me too!

Reggie

Reggie! My little man... died one year ago...

I found him running up the middle of a busy street in Santa Ana. Pulled over, got out of my car and called to him, "come here puppy." He stopped, looked at me and continued running. So, I tried again, "venga aqui pero". He understood and came to me! My new rescue spoke Spanish!

He was sick for a long time... I hand fed him ~ every 20 min. for a couple months. (yes, I was severely sleep deprived). On this day, last year... My Reggie died in my arms. I put him on the bed... held a mirror up to his face (to make sure there were no more breaths being taken) and wrapped him in a blanket... It was late, so I couldn't bury him or take him anywhere, so I put him in his "box" and closed it in the bathroom.

I went outside to inform the family of our little members' passing and heard a horrible wail come from inside the house. JoJo was standing at the bathroom door, crying. I opened the door (at his insistence) and he went to the box holding his little friend. He looked up at me, "take the lid off." I did. JoJo reached his big head inside the box, licked Reggie one last time then turned and went to his bed and cried all night... cried for weeks. He really grieved...

Though it's against the law... Reggie in buried in MY little animal cemetery.

Hair and Make-up

Grace and I played "hair and make-up" today. Well, okay there was NO make-up involved, but I did do her hair real pretty... She loved it! She's getting a "vet check" on Thursday and a "manicure" on Friday. Once I know she's "sound" and her feet aren't hurting her anymore (cuz her hooves are so bad and she's weak from malnutrition) I will start riding her.

I've been working with her everyday ~ she's learning how to be a horse again... just look at her go... Beautiful and GRACEFUL!

Have a Shay Day

A father offered a question: "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to sec ond!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball ... the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay" Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third!" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!"

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team. "That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world".

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

May your day, be a Shay Day.

two things

I have two things to say today...

1. My October article is out http://www.positivelyfeminine.org/compassion/kd/dreams.htm

2. I don't like mean, vindictive people...

Three against ONE?!

Light the Night was incredible. We had over a hundred people from our church walk in memory of Chuck! Did I mention "walk"? We walked the outside of the parking lot AND the entire second floor of the Angels Stadium...

Did I mention that working with a horse IS hard? Here is Grace acting like she took the bit with NO problem! Ummm 40 min. later I got it in her mouth! I just put it on (and the reins) for about 10 min. (just to get her used to it again). My gentle, half starved mare ~ who has filled in the ribs and sunken butt rather nicely AND aquired a slight "personality" ~ gave me HELL today. :)

I took her in the arena and lunged her today. With a 30 foot lead rope attached to her halter and my hand at the other end of that rope... I turned her out... waved the whip... and she BUCKED like a RODEO bull! Nearly pulled my arm out of the socket... Show NO fear Krista! Make NO mistake ~ she WILL throw me when I first ride her... and make NO mistake ~ I WILL wear a helmet. I have met my match indeed. I will NOT give up, until Grace and I are riding like old friends...

Now meet the instigators ~ the one's I believe to be responsible for my sweet horse's new "disposition". Bo (the grey gelding) is blind. He's a nice little old man... but follows Misty's lead (the brown mare that I lock in the stall when I take Grace out). Misty is mischievous ~ as she will lead Bo into fences, lock him in the stall or lock him out... just for FUN. I swear ~ I've watched her lead him into the water bucket...and I swear she laughs about it.

So... today ~ as my beautiful baby was BUCKING like a wild woman... I look over and see Bo and Misty rootin' her on from the side lines! Three against ONE ~ how is that fair?!

Diggin' in the past

WOW... Look what I found! 1987 Team USA! YAY!



btw I "retired" from baton twirling in 1989...

TRUTH and LOVE

The urge to be with horses can take hold at any age. These spirited creatures gallop through ancient myths, favorite childhood stories, wishes, dreams, and drawings. For many people, the desire recedes over time, into a secret corner of their heart. My heart has always desired the equine of my dreams... I have found myself more connected to the equine; perhaps because I have that same wild, spirited determination... Others try to "tame" me. Myself ~ longing for the freedom of the wild horse.

Unlike humans, horses refrain from suppressing so-called dark or negative feelings. As prey animals, it behooves them to see all emotion as information. It's just as important for horses to recognize when another herd member is afraid or playful, angry or boisterous, depressed or resting peacefully. Secure horses, like well-adjusted people, eventually become experts at "emotional agility" ~ the ability to get the message behind the emotion; adjust behavior, relationship, or environment accordingly; then let go of that feeling and return to homeostasis. Many human beings get caught in the vicious cycle of suppressing and then inappropriately expressing unwanted or socially unacceptable feelings, yet horses recognize and respond to the true feeling behind the facade, which is why it's difficult to hide fear, anger or sadness in their presence.

When you learn to sense and process emotion like horses do, you seem psychic compared with other people, which is no doubt one reason why equine myths often credit these animals with the ability to take riders between this world and the otherworld.

I LOVE my horse. I have found a "home" in her stall, communicating with her ~ connecting on a level humans have yet to fulfill ~ pure TRUTH and unconditional LOVE.

She doesn't lie to me. Nor could I lie to her, even if I wanted to (she'd know my true feelings). She doesn't care if my make-up is perfect, or if I am rich or poor, fat or skinny... She'd never betray me or tell my secrets to others... she's loyal!

If only everyone could have the benefit of having a horse for a friend... learning how to be authentic with their thoughts, feelings, true hearts desires... learning how to speak the TRUTH...learning how to be faithful and honest...wouldn't the world be a better place?

Chuck!

Chuck Obremski

September 18, 2005Today we remember a remarkable man... He was diagnosed with cancer, endured numerous surgeries, lived with horrific pain... and finished his race two years ago... Despite the "cancer coaster", Chuck NEVER missed a Sunday of preaching... at the end ~ he preached from a wheel chair, with his oxygen and morphine drip.

He FINISHED STRONG!

Watercolor Ponies...

Sitting in church... I had "the restless leg" syndrome going on. I just couldn't concentrate on anything, but a four legged beauty 20 min. away ~ Grace. No Carl's for me ~ I headed out to my true friend... and spent the afternoon with her. On the way, church lady called me and WOW what an offer. I may be moving Grace again tomorrow... Heck, I may be moving with her! I'll find out soon... Wonder if I can use the horse trailer to move my "house"? LOL and don't think I won't do it myself.

M made a video of my true heart and JOY ~ Grace is doing amazingly well... Yesterday, she "tested" me ~ just trying to put on her fly mask was an ordeal. I was MORE stubborn than she... Today, she lowered her head for me to put her mask on. With time, LOVE and TRUST... Grace will be ready to "work" with kids in the near future.

Grace is HOME

I'm too tired to bloP tonight... So... another day... but Grace IS HOME.

Memoir

I told Nick, I was going to buy him a "memoir" to write about his "life with Krista"... My poor family. Oh how I feel for them... I've ALWAYS been like this ~ there's little hope of me changing... Always finding an animal in plight. Always getting into some kind of a "scrape". And they are ALWAYS there to help me out. If there was an easier way to describe myself to YOU (dear reader) I would encourage you to watch Ann of Green Gables ~ I am MOST like ANN! Yes, hard to believe isn't it? I AM headstrong and determined... and stubborn (sometimes to the detriment of myself).

So... because the cost of transporting a horse way exceeds what I can afford. I figured I could do it MYSELF. Do it MYSELF? Have I ever moved a friggin horse? NO! But "do it MYSELF" has been my motto my entire life! And I'm a firm believer in "never give up. never surrender."

A million phone calls later, I was able to commandeer a horse trailer (free). Did I mention that I'm determined? I con'd Nick into letting me use his truck... Naturally the man wouldn't give it up ~ so he went with me. Have you ever tried to hook up a horse trailer with a man with MS? So... we forgot to put the ball down ~ thus the trailer wasn't fully attached... therefore at any min. it could have disconnected and we would have prolly been KILLED. Ah, but it was the "no tail lights" that was the true problem. Stopped at the auto parts store... but they didn't have what we needed. The clerk... nice guy. He offered ME to hook the trailer up to HIS truck and go get my starving mare!

I just looked at him, "uhhh you're not from around here are you?"
He blushed, "No ma'am, I'm from Illinois."
"Well buddy, THIS is California and you NEVER give your vehicle to a stranger."

To the next store. No part. And NO more day light. I DROVE the light less monster back to Nick's house, where my friend Michele met us with...the wrong part. (I've now roped another person into my horse rescue going wrong). Another parts store. YaY! We got it! In the pitch dark, hooking up the adapter... MS man wobbling around, loyal friend UNDER the trailer hooking up the plugs and me with a smoke in one hand, a flash light in the other... we got tail lights! but NO headlights!

Grace was NOT rescued yesterday... but I refuse to give up!

Going to the store now to buy Memoir's for my entire extended family and my faithful friends...

Liminality

I stand at the crossroads in Liminality

it's here I must choose the land of

fantasy or reality

The decision is mine

it's my choice to make

I struggle with the fear

of making a mistake

Fantasy is the land

with pink elephants and lemonade

where carrousels are free

and march on parade

There are no tears in this

land to find

only polka dotted flowers and

magical rhymes

Reality is the land

with logic and reason

where the mind is intended

for scholarly legions

Here man struggles

for individuality

to find true meaning and

life's causality

I cannot decide which road to take

For if I choose one the other I negate...

Because I cannot decide

which land to plea

I choose to abide in

Liminality

KBD

I wrote this poem some time ago... It was actually the first thing I ever published... From time to time I find myself standing at that same crossroad... I clearly have two choices ~ which one do I take? My heart tells me one direction, My head tells me another. Ya know ~ sometimes I think it WOULD be easier to be a "tin man" with NO heart at all...

Remembering...

Let us remember those lost... and those left behind...and may we be THANKFUL for our loved one's we still have...

Amazing Freedom!

I apologize for the delay... I was bloPPing and my friend showed up. Ya know your friends feel "safe" with you, when they can just show up at your house, sit on your couch and cry. NO need for words... just space to cry...

Carousels

Carousels
Their Creator made them each unique ~ with their own blend of colors and shaped ever slightly different. Some are shy, some are bold...some run, while others walk...but they are all bound to the carousel by a single pole ~ cutting deep into their hearts.

The horses are beautiful ~ intricately designed...hand crafted and painted with precision and detail. There are miniature carousels ~ just for display...set up on a shelf ~ rarely touched...sometimes noticed and admired. And then there are the BIG carousels...with the lights and jolly music. People travel from all over to ride the horses...children laughing, parents taking pictures, lovers holding hands...it's like everything comes to life ~ even if only briefly...it's all so meaningful and... happy.

Soon the players all go home, the lights go out, the music stops and everything stands still. The carousel horse, yes beautiful with it's special design, stands alone...untouched...bound to the carousel by a single pole cutting deep into it's heart.

I believe ~ in the silent moments of the night...if you'd stand real still and quiet...you can see the tears of the carousel horse ~ longing to be free.
KBD

Harp, Friends and Japan?

Peter Sterling ~

http://harpmagic.com/

It was a small gathering... and what an AMAZING experience! I think I was the only geek with a camera so... I didn't take very many pictures. Peter ~ YOU are incredible! Egypt? Yeah... I would LOVE to go to Egypt with you guys. GAIL!!! It was So GOOD to see you! We WILL do that "relax" day at the beach soon... thank you for believing in what I'm doing. Carolyna ~ the TEA VEE lady ~ beautiful as ever!

So many interesting and wonderful people there... I met some folks from Japan ~ the invitation was laid before ME... They invited Peter, Gail, Em and myself to Japan for a tour... Are YOU kidding me? I don't know exactly where I fit in to that... Peter's an amazing harpist, Gail ~ an extraordinary visionary, Em too... but me? I'm just a girl from a small town with ugly nails, choppy hair and BIG dreams... I told them about what I'm doing with the horses... and the one little Japanese woman got teary eyed. They WANT to help!

Of course there were people I thought I recognized, but had NO clue WHO they were... That's what happens when you don't watch Tea Vee. That's why Disney always had ME work the celebrity parties ~ cuz I didn't know who anyone was ~ and I wouldn't slobber all over 'em. :)

I'm NOT cool

LOL thanks Susan for reminding me that MY Kindred family IS reading this BLOP! I'm going through ALL my bloPs now and "cleaning" 'em up. Linda ~ I'm sowwy that I said "shit" in my other bloP... no excuses... but I took it out. SO it no longer says "SHIT". And I took out the one about "not casting your pearls before swine." Even though it was a direct quote...

I got a hair cut today... a real one ~ not a self-inflicted one. She had to cut it short, cuz I managed to mess it up really bad on my last self-inflicted cut. I've been saving my pennies so that I could get a REAL hair cut... Things like hair cuts, manicures, pedicures are LUXURIES for ME. I may be poor... but

I can go out at any time and SEE 10 (soon to be eleven) horses that have been rescued from abuse and neglect...

I can go out at any time and see the faces of little children who have been abused and neglected ~ riding one of those horses ~

to a place where LOVE, HOPE and PEACE abound...

I may have ugly nails and chopped hair (and say shit from time to time)... but I can lay my head on my pillow at night and know that my heart is in the right place...

An Angel without wings...

I first saw her several months ago... Went to "check out" a property for possible purchase... and in the barn was a lonely Mare. I stepped up to the gate and she came toward me... I could see the saddness in her eyes. I wanted her. The owners wanted a fortune for her and I didn't have THAT kind of money...

My friend called yesterday and said they might GIVE her to me. Really?! Guess they haven't been able to sell her for their asking price...and she has since then lost a tremendous amount of weight. See... the owners moved some time ago... they were depending on their neighbors to feed her... somewhere in all of that ~ she's worse (than when I saw her). But the ranch is FULL (there are 10 horses now and there's "no room at the Inn"). I frantically called Linda... who in turn called her friends... who called their friends... My Kindred Family is pulling for this mare...
As I told Linda last night ~ my GOD won't forget even the smallest of sparrows, surely He won't forget a starving mare... WHEN I wrap my arms around her neck and welcome her HOME(where ever that may be) I will name her GRACE. For HIS grace is sufficient!
I spoke with the owner last night and she's still reluctant to give up the horse. I'll be patient... We can "house" her temporarily at least at the Ranch... see how she does with the herd... but a gal at my church said she will have stalls put on her property and be ready in to take her in two weeks! (did you catch that? The woman is willing to MAKE a home for this horse?!).
I am often moved to tears by the plight of the innocent... This little horse has no idea how many hearts she's already touched. From the moment I saw her many months ago... I wanted her. When our eye's met, our souls connected ~ that's what horses do, ya know? Some say, horses are angels without wings...

Chonda

True VALUE and WORTH

I actually sat and read my bloPs from the beginning of my bloPPing days. WOW! I can clearly see my progressions, regressions ~ my journey through my own healing process... the twists and turns as I tried desperately to get away from certain "situations" and "individuals". I think I will print my bloPs and send it to my agent ~ perhaps publish it in a book.

The "portrait" is complete. I see it all so clearly now. I made a significant "shift" back in February... reading it again reminded me of how strong I truly am... it reinforced my desire for a "higher plane"... this past year has been really hard (in many ways)... yet, I grew SO much (spiritually, mentally, emotionally).

I handed my VALUE and WORTH to people who assigned NO VALUE and WORTH to me. Yet, from all that I experienced, I was forced on a journey of pain, sorrow, and solitude... Rising UP out of the ashes of charred relationships, burnt trust, blackened deceit... I found STRENGTH, HOPE AND LOVE. I learned that which I wouldn't have learned had I not been exposed to the harsh reality of rejection, anger, lies, manipulation... simply stated ~ mean.

"They" gave me a gift far MORE valuable than gold or silver ~ more precious than any relationship or friendship... They gave me:

Me
My Strength
A deeper "knowing" of who I am
A Faith rooted in LOVE and HOPE
A clear understanding of my VALUE and WORTH

So, I am able to see them in LOVE because ultimately I have gratitude for them ~ as they taught ME what LOVE really is, by showing me what it isn't. They taught me what TRUST is, by being untrustworthy. They taught me what GRACE is, by giving me the opportunity to extend it to them. They taught me what FORGIVENESS is, by giving me so much to forgive. I am THANKFUL for the things they taught me.

I am no longer afraid of rejection (because I experienced it at such a deep level AND I survived)

I am no longer afraid of my GREATNESS (because I know what I am capable of and that is showing up in my life today).

I am no longer afraid to speak the TRUTH (because I have seen the destruction of deceit and I can discern the TRUTH from a LIE).

I will never hand somebody my value and worth again... especially if they assign no value and worth to me.

I will never allow anyone to devalue me or disrespect me or take my worth from me.

I wrote some good stuff... in my bloPs. I will go back and cut and paste some of the most profound posts...

How long does it take

How long does it take to get HOME from LONG BEACH?! Well, it depends on IF your alternator goes OUT. So...there I was in my shiny shoes... at the ART show, minding my own business. :) Which btw... HER work is beyond incredible. Some of the people there were interesting, however for the most part, I don't fit into THAT world. I just think there's more to life than fame and money... but in all honesty, I did meet some good people.

Went to my car and it wouldn't start. Called the AAA folks and they were there in a flash. I got JUMPED and I was on my way... stopped. got out. went back to my car. and it wouldn't start again. Ummm AAA can you come jump my car again? Never mind that I was parked illegally! Jumped again. Headed home.

Get about 2 lights from home... coinciding events: my lights went out. pOlicE man turned his lights on. My car dies (while driving mind you)... steering goes OUT. and I'm getting pulled over. Guess I couldn't have pulled an OJ if I wanted to.

"Ma'am please step out of your vehicle." ("no worries, my air conditioning just stopped too.")
"Have you had any alcohol tonight."
"No sir, I've only had water (and I'm almost out of smokes, so could we make this quick.)"

CLEARLY I was having car trouble! and it was closing in on 1 am. He shined his friggin light in my eyes, checks my car and would you believe it wouldn't start JUST like I said it wouldn't? He then proceeded to get into his car and leave me... in a dark parking lot, 2 lights from home, with a dead car. Uhhh AAA third times a charm?

They said they'd be there within 30 min. Around 2 am they called and said, "We'll be there in about 45 min." 3 am! The guy was nice, but I must admit I was a tiny bit anxious. I got JUMPED again! it started. and immediately died. So... he towed it to the shop. Almost 4 am... and I finally stumbled into the house. Feeling drunk, though I only had water.

Now, I must get ready. I'm meeting with the radio guy at my office. LOL I DO have my Vespa... and I WILL be pulling up on that red machine.

So tell me... How long does it take to get HOME from LONG BEACH?!

I will be there...

golden...

uh huh that would be Nancy, Chonda, and Tonya. Holy Toleeeedo... FUNNY gals!

These women have some fabulous material out... We had a GREAT time of exchanging idea's and books at my office this week. Tonya (I know you are reading this) I'm reading YOUR book now and I haven't put it down.

The publisher rep called yesterday. Wow! That was fast. They want to see my material. OMG. If I get picked up by them... They are HUGE (and international). This call came with NO query (on my part). That's a GOOD sign. I'm firing my literary agent. I may go with another agent or see what happens with this publisher. Like I said, if they pick me up ~ it's golden.

Have a blissful day!

Speakin' in Nevada

Hope

Next order of business... I just got my first monthly article for Positively Feminine! I'm excited about that. That means I best charge up my creative energy, because I have a lot to write about.


BUT let me tell YOU about my by BIGGEST JOY this week ~ she was in 4th grade when we began our counseling sessions together. Little S had lived a life, most people have nightmares about. Her father was in prison then... I met with her 2 x's a week. Into the 5th grade, I was able to see her that year too. Then she went off to middle school and I thought I'd never see her again. Yet, she never left my heart and I thought about her often. A couple years ago, I was contracted to work at the high school. Counting on my fingers, I figured S would have been in 9th grade and might be at that HS. She was! I called her to my little office. She opened the door, saw me and just cried, "Krista why did you leave me? Why did you leave my life?" I, of course informed her that I didn't leave ~ she had the audacity to go to middle school. LOL We met 2 x's a week during her freshman year... then my contract ended. I still get e-mails here and there from former "students", but I hadn't heard from little S (in a year). I got an e-mail from her last night! She needs a light in her dark world... Despite the fact that this young lady has been beaten, tortured, emotionally battered, rejected by her family... she has NOT given up HOPE.

I made 'em cry

So... my "talk" went really GOOD. I made 'em cry! That's how I know I touched 'em... That was this morning. Then tonight, they asked me to speak again. However, I didn't have anything prepared ~ just Johnny on the spot! WOW! And... I think I'm gonna get "booked" to do a women's retreat!

It's been raining here all day. A hot, windy rain... and it's lightening outside. I've parted the curtains in my room and have an amazing view of the city and the storm.

Long day.

Tomorrow it's off to her house for some personal training time. This woman is truly...ah... no words; imagine that ~ ME speechless! And I have to go with NO make-up. NO hair-do. NO clothes :) kidding ~ just not dressy clothes. Tomorrow this woman that I absolutely respect... is having some folks come in to completely re-do my DO. She sort of "flipped" when she saw my self-imposed hair cut... ummm what do you want me to do... glue it back on?

Time for a long, hot bath and a good book! Night Night

running through halls naked

What a beautiful drive... open highway...miles and miles of landscape... only one "pit" stop. And would you believe there was a line at the rest stop? Have you ever seen a "busy" rest stop? I was gonna go into the men's side, but I didn't think the big burly lady with the yellow vest (that said something about corrections on the back) would appreciate that. So, I waited in line.

Finally found my hotel. Wheewww I was exhausted. Yet, when I pulled into the driveway... something didn't feel "good". Perhaps it had something to do with the row of women, in tight clothes and lots of makeup... dunno. I couldn't figure out why they'd be standing outside, in the 110 degree heat with high heels on???? But my gut told me NOT to stay there...

I drove to the other side of town... and said, "okay... I need a hotel...and a nice one...and I need it within an hour" (because I had a dinner function to go to that started in 2 hours). Found my "speaking" place and then back tracked from there... Here's how it happened... I was almost worried because it was cutting it so close to my time to be at the place and I NEEDED a shower and make-up... Literally 4 blocks from the place... my eye caught the sign "Yes, we are Open". I flipped a u-turn (never you mind that I cut off about 5 cars doing it). It IS a beautiful hotel... just opened... the first floor isn't even completed yet... They just opened yesterday! And I have the whole hotel to myself :) You know what that means, don't you? Means... I can run up and down the halls naked if I wanna! :)

Well, I'd love to stay and chat... however, I'm speaking in about 2 hours... and I have one more hall to run through before I get ready. :)

Peace and Love

6:30am. two pillows. check. blanket. check. luggage. check. rocks. check. gas... I'll get that on my way. kiss the dogs. check. feed the fish. check. (did I tell you that I have 2 little shark things, and about 50 little fish in my pond?) feed the bird. check. double CHECK luggage.

One pillow at the head rest. One pillow on the seat. And a blanket over that... My passenger and I will lean into the rising sun, once again... and find total freedom on the open road. This adventure begins now. I feel calm and ready for the next step on this proverbial path...

Please, love each other while I'm gone... No yelling, no hatred, no deceiving... Remember, lift one another to their highest GOOD.

Peace and Love!

She's in Heaven now...

“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than the person to be loved.”

Barbara Johnson

What an AMAZING woman! I remember the first time I heard Barbara speak... So funny and inspirational and her story... omg... incredible. On July 2, 2007 Barbara Johnson went to be with her Lord. My Mom called and told me... naturally, I was sad. Mom said, "It's very sad for us, but she's in Heaven now with her husband, two sons and CHUCK!" How blessed we were to have had her on earth... bet she's up in Heaven picking geraniums. :)

Taking Matters into my own hands...

I hated it! Today was my "hair cut" day... and I totally hated it! I woulda cried, but I had a client. It was horrible and now I'm afraid it's worse. LOL I took matters into my own hands ~ which apparently were holding that razor... So, what I've decided is this ~ they can fiddle with my make-up, my clothes, even my eye-brows... but never, will they ever touch my hair again. It just brought me back to my modeling days... my (then) agent tried to tell me what to do ~ I remember the Ms. Orange pageant... Long hair, Krista... the girls with long hair are winning. Geeze. I can't be put into a box again. What you see with me, is what you get. And right now... I have a self-inflicted hair cut AND I'm speaking in a few days, in another state!

So... this gal called me on Tues. She was referred to me because she has extreme anxiety and depression. I heard it in her voice... something wasn't right... and I wasn't comfortable letting her off the phone until she scheduled an appointment with me. Finally got her to commit to seeing me tonight. (see why I couldn't be crying about my hair cut?). So... she showed up, with her mother.

Her mother began to tell me what the (40 year old) daughter's "problem" was... I just listened and observed... and when I had enough, I stopped the mother, looked at the woman and said, "Would you like to know what I think?"

Guess they came for my opinion after all :) I said, "Based on the physical symptoms you are describing... I would say, it stems back to an emotional injury somewhere between the ages of 2-4." Blank stares. If at first you don't succeed, try try again. "What happened to you between the ages of 2-4?" Blank stares. I knew that I knew what I was talking about... my intuition had kicked in and I was confident of what I was saying... Finally the mother says... she was kidnapped at age two and it took us a long time to find her. To that, the young woman broke down... Bless her heart! She shared with me, that she fully intended to kill herself on Tuesday, but called me as a last ditch effort to find some reason not to do it... I HOPE she found that reason...

Suddenly my hair wasn't so important anymore...

Time Warner Cable

WOW! What an experience! I'm almost speechless... yet, I will say... I haven't worn that much make-up since... well... the last time I was on the TEA VEE. It will air on... wait...what day did she say? We did two shoots, for two different days. Tues. and Thurs. 5:00 pm ~ the channel will vary depending on where you "tune" in from...

Anyway... I'm beat. That took everything out of me today... I'll go find you a video to watch and leave you in Peace...

Highest Good

I've been asked to explain what I mean by wanting the "Highest GOOD" for others... It is simply desiring another person to reach their greatest potential ~  to find total peace and happiness in their lives ~ to do the right thing because it's the right thing to do.

WHAT is it that will make that person achieve their greatest potential? I don't want others to hold onto their anger, bitterness, resentments because that blocks them from love, joy and peace; that's NOT their highest GOOD. I would encourage them to let all the negativity go so that they can truly experience the positive... and when people are functioning at their greatest potential... that IS when they have the greatest impact on the lives of others (positively).

Another component to the "highest good" is to see people with ONLY their GOOD qualities... Law of Attraction: If I see only the good in people, perhaps they will "show up" the way I am "seeing" them. If I expect someone to be a "jerk" ~ they will. If I expect someone to be "kind" ~ they will. Law of Attraction. Self-Fulfilling prophecy.

This is NOT a new "philosophy" for ME... I've been about the "highest good" for many years... Some have said I have a "Pollyanna Syndrome".

Be The Change...

"Be the change you want to see in the world" Gandhi

I WANT things to be different... therefore I am CHOOSING things to be different... I WILL be the change I want to see...

Let me tell you a true story...

A gal was put in charge of motivating the employee's to increase their customer service at a grocery store. She put together her talk and presented it to a room full of employee's ~ calling on them to make a difference to their customers...

Johnny took her talk to heart and decided he wanted to make a difference too... even though he was JUST a bagger AND he had down syndrome. So, with the help of his father, he wrote a "thought for the day", printed up the little slips of paper and as he was bagging the groceries for his customers, he'd slip that piece of paper into the bag.

About a month later, the manager called the corporate office and said, "You have got to see this! The line at the check out stand wraps around the aisle... I opened more registers, but the customers didn't move... they said they wanted to be in Johnny's line to get the "thought for the day". I don't know what to do." One lady said, she used to go to the store once a week, but now goes in every day just to get Johnny's thought for the day.

Who would have thought? A bagger with a diminished mental capacity... doing something so simple, yet impacting so many people? He was the change he wanted to see...

There are 3 things I do ~ which raises my level of "peace" ~ it's simple really... you wanna do it too?

1. Random acts of kindness ~ send out LOVE to others... think of others ONLY in LOVE

2. Find my JOY daily ~ Being thankful and grateful for all that I have... giving thanks always.

3. Uplift my soul ~ with music or sweet stories like the one above... SURROUND myself with POSITIVE people, thoughts, behaviors... that means I don't watch the NEWS or

allow negative people to influence me or my world.

I've been invited to the studio again! I'm gonna be on the Tea Vee! Going on Weds. to tape the show... Apparently, my agent doesn't like my self-imposed hair cut. LOL Never mind that I took a RAZOR to it... I do believe there is little hope for me ~ I'm forever cutting on my own hair. She's sending me for a complete make-over! Ahhh come on! If they make me wear heels, I'll flip out! I told her, I'd surrender my eye-brows to them, if they promise to leave my hair alone. LOL no deal.

Pocket Full of Rocks (#4)

I still collect rocks. They are a tangible reminder of where I've been...and what I hope for. I'll pick a rock for it's unique shape to remind me that I am unique, I am human and fallible...then I'll write something to remind me where I got that rock from.

I still walk around with a pocket full of rocks. However, I don't keep them all for myself. I like to give them away... to offer hope to others... to let them know that they are loved and valuable.

Even as a little girl, I knew the ROCK would save my life!

Pocket Full of Rocks (#3)

The lesson I have learned... is that life is hard ~ ROCK hard sometimes. The storms of life happen to all of us at some point in our lives. Yet, the storms don't determine if we stay "standing", rather is IS the foundation upon which we have built our "house".

Take a house built in Malibu and a house built in Manhattan. They could even be the exact same floor plan, model, same color etc... When the storms of life come (and they come for everyone) which house will remain standing? Malibu is built on sand. Manhattan is built on the tip of a granite rock. For the foundation WILL determine the final outcome... How often do we see the pictures of "Malibu" being destroyed by the winds, flood, fires? Every year, Malibu is in the news... but they continue to build their houses on the sand. How often do you read or hear about Manhattan being destroyed by the storms? NEVER. The only thing that could crush the house in Manhattan is the enemy slamming a 747 into it's belly! For the house in Malibu was built by the fool ~ built on shaking ground of lies and deceit and flimsy DIRT. The house in Manhattan was built by the wise ~ built on solid TRUTH!

The storms of life come for all of us...

One such storm happened in my life... He was 13 years old when his parents brought him to our drug rehab. Mark was addicted to heroin. I worked with this boy and his parents for months, and desperately tried to teach Mark how to kill his giant ~ heroin. I'll NEVER forget the morning the call came in, "Dr. Krista, Mark killed himself last night." I was shaken! He was only 13 years old!

I wanted to quit. I ran...  I was DONE, "That's it! I'm NOT doing this work anymore!" I threw my rocks down and refused to pick them back up. 

"Why me?"

The answer was undeniable...

"Why NOT you? You are a simple girl, entangled with the same mistakes and shortcomings as everyone else... Why NOT you? You are a small pebble plucked from a stream and when thrown by my hand, giants in the lives of those around you have fallen; it is NOT your strength, but mine... Why NOT you?"

So... I picked up my rocks and began to build on the foundation of TRUTH... 

I am filling my pockets full of rocks... and I will teach them to fill their pockets too!

Pocket Full of Rocks (#2)

Then I began to collect rocks from other people & myself...putting them into my pocket and carrying them everywhere I went.

"You're not good enough"
"You're not smart enough"
"Something is instrinsically wrong with you"
"Your own mother didn't love you enough"

The burden became unbearable. I was totally defeated laying in that bed in the ICU. They called my family and pastor in, where they prayed over me as I lay dying (literally)... bleeding internally and dying from Anorexia Nervosa. I was so thin, you could see my backbone through my stomach. I was, once again, failing to thrive. I remember hearing the doctor say, "it'll be a miracle if she lives."

From the hospital, I was sent to an inpatient treatment facility for my eating disorder. Those were the worst 10 weeks of my life. However, something happened for me there...

Every morning, I'd go out to the edge of the ranch where the wooden cross rose up from the desert floor. I'd kneel at that cross and pray, "I don't want to die." Every morning I'd watch the sun rise, and every morning I was thankful to be alive.

One by one I laid my collection of rocks down at the foot of the cross...

"You're not good enough"

"You're not smart enough"

"Something is intrinsically wrong with you"

"You're own mother didn't Love you enough"

I laid them down... then I exchanged those rocks with rocks of TRUTH.

"I am loved"

"I am valuable"

And I filled my pockets with the rocks of Truth! I stand before you today with 10 years of recovery and another lesson I have learned along the way...

Pocket Full of Rocks (#1)

Did any of you have any weird habits as a kid? I used to walk around with a pocket full of rocks. I thought those rocks would save my life!

I was born Dec. 2, 19-something and I weighed 7.5 lbs. That's important to tell you, because 7 weeks later while my 15 year old drug addicted mother and my 19 year old drug addicted father were being arrested, the police found me in our home (which was a VW van) weighing only 2.5 lbs.

At the hospital, I was given my first label ~ Infant with Failure to Thrive. The doctor said, "It'll be a miracle if this baby lives." We obviously know how that story ended, because I'm talking to you today.

To any 2, 3, 4 year old child, anyone over 5 feet is a GIANT. When my giant social worker would come to "visit" me, I knew my life was going to be disrupted AGAIN. So, when she would appear, I would disappear. I'd hide... under beds, on top of the roof, anywhere...

My foster Mom took me to church, where I heard the story of David and Goliath... the story of a little Shepard boy that killed the giant with one tiny rock. So, I figured that I needed to have rocks with me at all times... then I could KILL my giant (and I wouldn't have to go to any more foster homes). From then on, I walked around with a pocket full of rocks.

No, I never had the courage to THROW any of those rocks, but I had them with me just in case.

six little children

He was lured into the car, though no one really knows exactly how. The only thing we know for certain is that he suffered...greatly! They took him to a remote hilltop and beat him unmercifully. He couldn't have seen it coming... they drove over his legs, breaking them. Unable to flee, they poured gasoline over his bloodied body and lit him on fire. But, the fire went out quickly. He was still alive. They left him, broken and charred. To the gas station to buy more gas, then to McD's for a burger... then back up to that remote hilltop to the 17 year old boy, who lay dying. Together, they poured the gasoline over his body and put the final torch to him...and left him burning ALIVE. His family was annihilated by the brutality of D's death. We went to the trial ~ my Mom and I. Held his mother's hand as they showed the jury pictures of her son's mutilated body... Those two only got 25 years to life in prison for this horrific crime.

The family is poor ~ very poor. This past Christmas we pooled our resources and "made" them a Christmas. I didn't have much to give... I was poor myself. I did have food stamps though... So, I used all that I had to buy the family groceries...

They came to church today! All of them! Sister seat saver (my Mom) saved the entire row of seats and they filled them all. Six of the younger siblings and cousins went to Vacation Bible School at the church last week. Between my Mom and I, we made sure they had a ride every morning and were picked up every afternoon... How beautiful it was to see those six little children sing in the children's choir today! Nothing will bring D back... yet, I counted six of his sisters and cousins singing "Our God is an Awesome God" in church today.

She doesn't speak English, D's mom... But I understood "agradézcale mi amiga por su compasión en mi familia" (thank you my friend for your compassion on my family).

Saturday Morning "Cartoon"

In the mail yesterday, came about 7 CD's ~ a guy I used to work with at D-land ~ burned to CD's SEVERAL of the shows, parades, etc... that we were in together. WOW! What GREAT memories! That was such a FUN time in my life ~ I really did have a lot of opportunities while working there ~ performing ~ dancing ~ I LOVED it! I'll see if I can find some video's to link on to this bloP...

do the research

http://www.statcounter.com/

Giving you the link so you can research my "discovery" ~ check out the different types of counters ~ some TRACK the IP addresses of site visitors...

B

I forgot to tell you about the most exciting part of yesterday. At the end of our time together, our leaders gave us a little certificate thing.

B, who I didn't want as my group leader... blessed me so much. During my feedback time with her yesterday (after I delivered my final "talk") she said, "Krista what can I say? You were right on. You hit every point. Do you have any questions for me?"

I tentatively asked, "Can I e-mail you or call you and pick your brain, and have you critique me and my work?" Without even the slightest pause, "Of course you can. I would be delighted to help you any time."

My life has taken on a completely new direction and I am thrilled to see what's going to happen. The "Yahoo's" no longer torment me ~ they are but a distant annoyance. I no longer feel the sting of the betrayal or rejection or oR OR. Funny, I haven't thought about them in a while... However, yesterday while having my coffee and quiet time the thought came to me... The ONE subtly told me she was going to do something to hurt me... It went like this (when I was confronting her lies)...

"Don't fuck with me Krista."
"Are you threatening me?"
"Just don't fuck with me, I was studying to be a lawyer."

*note This is where I got really angry... I do NOT like bullies or being threatened

CLICK and that was the last time I spoke to her. She tried...sent me a birthday card, sent me a Christmas card... but I didn't respond...

WHAT can I say? I'm so glad to have that woman out of my life. I was talking to a friend last night and telling her about where I was, where I am now... and she said, "Krista you just had to get all that negativity out of your life so that you could move to the next level...and NOW you are taking off."

Okay the silver bullet (my car) is loaded up and I'm heading out. I really HOPE my tire holds up 'till I get home. The idea of being stranded out in the middle of nowhere is not appealing to me. Although, I'm sure I'd make some poor, starving vulture very happy.

I'm going home

Words simply are NOT sufficient to describe this experience.

SHE's pushing 80, has written OVER 40 books, is an international speaker... during her talk today, she asked ME up on the stage for a "demonstration". I was so nervous just standing next to this woman... after that "session" was over, she approached ME. Said, "Krista you are absolutely beautiful... I believe you have a gift... I want to invite you to our mentor program..." OMG! First, she thinks I'm pretty? What a compliment from a woman that taught "etiquette" for a number of years... Second, SHE believes in ME? What an honor! A mentor?

My tire STILL has the nail. I called AAA tonight, the guy said it should be alright...and went on his way. So... I will head out tomorrow. With the pillow on the head rest, the other pillow on the seat and my blanket over that... My "passenger" and I will race from the rising sun to Pacific Ocean... I'm going home.

I am NOT a freak!

Hello? Anyone out there in cyber land?

So... today they had us give another "talk". With 5 minutes to prepare and 3 minutes to talk, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Let's back up... yesterday when they introduced the "speakers/small group leaders", I sized up B and decided that I DIDN'T want her. She is a cross between my old baton coach and my ninny next door... WHO did I get? B! Today I learned that her mentor is one of my most favorite authors/speakers ~ a gal I've heard speak many times, own her CD's and ALL her books. To add insult to injury, I've actually read some of B's books and liked them (not putting the connection together until TODAY)... AND her best friend is ~ OMG a woman I heard speak while attending Biola ~ the one who first planted the seed (for me) of "speaking"!

So... I get up there, in front of everyone, knee's knocking AGAIN and gave my 3 min. blurp. Deep breath ~ sigh ~ she told ME that I'm a "natural" and that this is clearly my "calling". Can YOU believe it? What a compliment!

AND B lives near ME in CA!

AND I have a nail in my tire! Do I have it patched up? Do I leave it and hope I make it home? Do I? Do I? Ohhhh why ME?

AND I learned that I'm NOT a total freak! THEY said it's good to talk to yourself and find messages in EVERYTHING in life and to WRITE a lot! I do those things naturally... I can find a "life lesson" in anything... Ha! And it's OKAY! :)

Okay... now... homework assignment ~ prepare a 10 min. talk!

Blinders and BloPPing

Okay Okay... I'm awake. This bed is the next best thing to MY bed. That and I'm totally wiped out. And this is only day two! Because I have a full kitchen in here, I went to the market and got "groceries" i.e. coffee, hot cheetos, pizza ~ ya know things I CAN "cook". However, I did NOT get coffee filters ~ thus my coffee is a bit grainy. Yuck! It'll suffice though.

We had a "homework" assignment... part of it was to list the 5 hottest topics in America today. ummmm I don't know? I don't watch the news or read the paper... on purpose. I think there's so much evil and WRONG in our world, that I don't feel the need to inundate myself with it... life is depressing enough without turning on the TEA VEE and hearing about ALL that is depressing about our world. Yet, SHE (omg one of my favorite authors/speakers) said it is important to keep up on what's happening. Here's my internal battle... Do I succumb and watch the news because someone I respect greatly said it's important, or do I continue to live with my self-imposed blinders on because it allows me to sleep at night?

Well, I suppose I should go get ready for my day. Layers... I'll wear layers because it's hot hoT HOT outside and cold colD COLD inside. I'm confident this helps my cold situation. Oh and btw... they talked about the importance of BLOppING! I knew I was onto something ;)

the sky has opened up

It's as though the sky has opened up, releasing all sorts of possibilities for me... This is an amazing time ~ they had us give a "talk" today...knee's knocking and horror filled, I got up in front of all those people... and DID IT! No... I'm telling YOU, I was scared outa my mind! I've read these people's books, heard them speak...and then I had to speak in front of them... So, it's safe to say that today, I was stretched beyond my comfort zone.

I'm learning a lot and meeting some fantastic people... I wish I could be more coherent in this bloP, however I think I am just too exhausted... and I'm still battling that cold. so... I think I'll simply say... good night.

Take The Wheel

Up before the sun... I left California... on the wings of anticipation. Out the 91 fwy... The song blasting through my speakers was "Go Tell It On The Mountain". Perfect Serenity.


I leaned into the rising sun... Figuratively of course... With arms outstretched... each fist filled with sand, that was slowly slipping through my palms and blowing away in the wind... I was FLYING... and for the first time in a very long time... I felt totally FREE.

That which was slipping away was ALL the confines of "conventional norms"; all restraints of SHOULDS and OUGHTS... breaking out of the borders and parameters that never really suited me anyway. Think about it... what is the "norm"? It IS what MOST people do ~ the mean or mode of statistics ~ meaning it is simply what the majority of the population does. i.e. it's the "norm" to get married (heterosexual) because that is what most people do. it's now become the "norm" to divorce too... Just because it's the "norm" doesn't make it "right" or "healthy" or oR OR... 2000 years ago, the "norm" age for a woman to marry was 13! AND she typically married a man much older (20+ years). Nowa days that would be called pedophilia. So... who needs "conventional norms" anyway? Who needs to be put in a box?

I was a woman, traveling alone... However, I must say... I had a brilliant idea ~ I put the passenger seat back, a pillow at the head rest, a pillow on the seat and a blanket over it ~ to appear to be a passenger.

Leaving OC behind me... 4 lanes, became 3, then 2 and I was clearly NOT in California anymore when the rest stops did NOT have seat covers. And of course my mind... I had LOTS of time to think...

ONE: Signs. Do they ever think about what the signs are really saying?

"Prison ahead, do not pick up hitch hikers" There were so many ~ that was my entertainment ~ finding stupid signs...but my mind is drawing a blank at the moment.

TWO: What ARE those little doors on the back of the big trucks? You know what I'm talking about? They're little trap door things about a foot tall... for what?

I was zoooommming right along (going about 100 mph on the open road) when my tire did the hobble wobble thing. Oh NO! I was out in the middle of NOWHERE. ALONE. Then the song was "Jesus Take the wheel". I suddenly changed my mind about flying. You see, I don't want to fly because I don't want to be eaten by sharks. But out in the desert, I'd be eaten by vultures ~ which would be a slow, painful death. If a shark is eating my flesh, I prolly died before I hit the water. So then... I'll fly. As my life flashed before my eyes... I reverted to my "dramatic" thinking ~ "would anyone even know I was missing?" "have I left anything unfinished; need to reconcile anything with anyone?" Pulled off the road in Arizona... called my Dad, who didn't answer his phone. Did this and that and made it to my niece's place... She has 3 cats that LOVE me and I have asthma... nice. With the tire looked at, I continued on to New Mexico.



Alas... I made it here safely and I'm loving this hotel room! Good night from New Mexico!