I'm NOT cool

LOL thanks Susan for reminding me that MY Kindred family IS reading this BLOP! I'm going through ALL my bloPs now and "cleaning" 'em up. Linda ~ I'm sowwy that I said "shit" in my other bloP... no excuses... but I took it out. SO it no longer says "SHIT". And I took out the one about "not casting your pearls before swine." Even though it was a direct quote...

I got a hair cut today... a real one ~ not a self-inflicted one. She had to cut it short, cuz I managed to mess it up really bad on my last self-inflicted cut. I've been saving my pennies so that I could get a REAL hair cut... Things like hair cuts, manicures, pedicures are LUXURIES for ME. I may be poor... but

I can go out at any time and SEE 10 (soon to be eleven) horses that have been rescued from abuse and neglect...

I can go out at any time and see the faces of little children who have been abused and neglected ~ riding one of those horses ~

to a place where LOVE, HOPE and PEACE abound...

I may have ugly nails and chopped hair (and say shit from time to time)... but I can lay my head on my pillow at night and know that my heart is in the right place...

An Angel without wings...

I first saw her several months ago... Went to "check out" a property for possible purchase... and in the barn was a lonely Mare. I stepped up to the gate and she came toward me... I could see the saddness in her eyes. I wanted her. The owners wanted a fortune for her and I didn't have THAT kind of money...

My friend called yesterday and said they might GIVE her to me. Really?! Guess they haven't been able to sell her for their asking price...and she has since then lost a tremendous amount of weight. See... the owners moved some time ago... they were depending on their neighbors to feed her... somewhere in all of that ~ she's worse (than when I saw her). But the ranch is FULL (there are 10 horses now and there's "no room at the Inn"). I frantically called Linda... who in turn called her friends... who called their friends... My Kindred Family is pulling for this mare...
As I told Linda last night ~ my GOD won't forget even the smallest of sparrows, surely He won't forget a starving mare... WHEN I wrap my arms around her neck and welcome her HOME(where ever that may be) I will name her GRACE. For HIS grace is sufficient!
I spoke with the owner last night and she's still reluctant to give up the horse. I'll be patient... We can "house" her temporarily at least at the Ranch... see how she does with the herd... but a gal at my church said she will have stalls put on her property and be ready in to take her in two weeks! (did you catch that? The woman is willing to MAKE a home for this horse?!).
I am often moved to tears by the plight of the innocent... This little horse has no idea how many hearts she's already touched. From the moment I saw her many months ago... I wanted her. When our eye's met, our souls connected ~ that's what horses do, ya know? Some say, horses are angels without wings...

Chonda

True VALUE and WORTH

I actually sat and read my bloPs from the beginning of my bloPPing days. WOW! I can clearly see my progressions, regressions ~ my journey through my own healing process... the twists and turns as I tried desperately to get away from certain "situations" and "individuals". I think I will print my bloPs and send it to my agent ~ perhaps publish it in a book.

The "portrait" is complete. I see it all so clearly now. I made a significant "shift" back in February... reading it again reminded me of how strong I truly am... it reinforced my desire for a "higher plane"... this past year has been really hard (in many ways)... yet, I grew SO much (spiritually, mentally, emotionally).

I handed my VALUE and WORTH to people who assigned NO VALUE and WORTH to me. Yet, from all that I experienced, I was forced on a journey of pain, sorrow, and solitude... Rising UP out of the ashes of charred relationships, burnt trust, blackened deceit... I found STRENGTH, HOPE AND LOVE. I learned that which I wouldn't have learned had I not been exposed to the harsh reality of rejection, anger, lies, manipulation... simply stated ~ mean.

"They" gave me a gift far MORE valuable than gold or silver ~ more precious than any relationship or friendship... They gave me:

Me
My Strength
A deeper "knowing" of who I am
A Faith rooted in LOVE and HOPE
A clear understanding of my VALUE and WORTH

So, I am able to see them in LOVE because ultimately I have gratitude for them ~ as they taught ME what LOVE really is, by showing me what it isn't. They taught me what TRUST is, by being untrustworthy. They taught me what GRACE is, by giving me the opportunity to extend it to them. They taught me what FORGIVENESS is, by giving me so much to forgive. I am THANKFUL for the things they taught me.

I am no longer afraid of rejection (because I experienced it at such a deep level AND I survived)

I am no longer afraid of my GREATNESS (because I know what I am capable of and that is showing up in my life today).

I am no longer afraid to speak the TRUTH (because I have seen the destruction of deceit and I can discern the TRUTH from a LIE).

I will never hand somebody my value and worth again... especially if they assign no value and worth to me.

I will never allow anyone to devalue me or disrespect me or take my worth from me.

I wrote some good stuff... in my bloPs. I will go back and cut and paste some of the most profound posts...

How long does it take

How long does it take to get HOME from LONG BEACH?! Well, it depends on IF your alternator goes OUT. So...there I was in my shiny shoes... at the ART show, minding my own business. :) Which btw... HER work is beyond incredible. Some of the people there were interesting, however for the most part, I don't fit into THAT world. I just think there's more to life than fame and money... but in all honesty, I did meet some good people.

Went to my car and it wouldn't start. Called the AAA folks and they were there in a flash. I got JUMPED and I was on my way... stopped. got out. went back to my car. and it wouldn't start again. Ummm AAA can you come jump my car again? Never mind that I was parked illegally! Jumped again. Headed home.

Get about 2 lights from home... coinciding events: my lights went out. pOlicE man turned his lights on. My car dies (while driving mind you)... steering goes OUT. and I'm getting pulled over. Guess I couldn't have pulled an OJ if I wanted to.

"Ma'am please step out of your vehicle." ("no worries, my air conditioning just stopped too.")
"Have you had any alcohol tonight."
"No sir, I've only had water (and I'm almost out of smokes, so could we make this quick.)"

CLEARLY I was having car trouble! and it was closing in on 1 am. He shined his friggin light in my eyes, checks my car and would you believe it wouldn't start JUST like I said it wouldn't? He then proceeded to get into his car and leave me... in a dark parking lot, 2 lights from home, with a dead car. Uhhh AAA third times a charm?

They said they'd be there within 30 min. Around 2 am they called and said, "We'll be there in about 45 min." 3 am! The guy was nice, but I must admit I was a tiny bit anxious. I got JUMPED again! it started. and immediately died. So... he towed it to the shop. Almost 4 am... and I finally stumbled into the house. Feeling drunk, though I only had water.

Now, I must get ready. I'm meeting with the radio guy at my office. LOL I DO have my Vespa... and I WILL be pulling up on that red machine.

So tell me... How long does it take to get HOME from LONG BEACH?!

I will be there...

golden...

uh huh that would be Nancy, Chonda, and Tonya. Holy Toleeeedo... FUNNY gals!

These women have some fabulous material out... We had a GREAT time of exchanging idea's and books at my office this week. Tonya (I know you are reading this) I'm reading YOUR book now and I haven't put it down.

The publisher rep called yesterday. Wow! That was fast. They want to see my material. OMG. If I get picked up by them... They are HUGE (and international). This call came with NO query (on my part). That's a GOOD sign. I'm firing my literary agent. I may go with another agent or see what happens with this publisher. Like I said, if they pick me up ~ it's golden.

Have a blissful day!

Speakin' in Nevada

Hope

Next order of business... I just got my first monthly article for Positively Feminine! I'm excited about that. That means I best charge up my creative energy, because I have a lot to write about.


BUT let me tell YOU about my by BIGGEST JOY this week ~ she was in 4th grade when we began our counseling sessions together. Little S had lived a life, most people have nightmares about. Her father was in prison then... I met with her 2 x's a week. Into the 5th grade, I was able to see her that year too. Then she went off to middle school and I thought I'd never see her again. Yet, she never left my heart and I thought about her often. A couple years ago, I was contracted to work at the high school. Counting on my fingers, I figured S would have been in 9th grade and might be at that HS. She was! I called her to my little office. She opened the door, saw me and just cried, "Krista why did you leave me? Why did you leave my life?" I, of course informed her that I didn't leave ~ she had the audacity to go to middle school. LOL We met 2 x's a week during her freshman year... then my contract ended. I still get e-mails here and there from former "students", but I hadn't heard from little S (in a year). I got an e-mail from her last night! She needs a light in her dark world... Despite the fact that this young lady has been beaten, tortured, emotionally battered, rejected by her family... she has NOT given up HOPE.