Time

I remember when I first got out of treatment (over 10 years ago)... I was SO lonely. It seemed like people on the "outside" just didn't understand me. Life at the treatment center was hard, but at least I was with people who understood what I was going through...

Sometimes... in the middle of the night... the lonliness was unbearable ~ but who could I call?

It was around 2 am and I couldn't sleep... I had been crying for hours... yet there was not a soul I could call... SO, I called time...just to hear a friendly voice. You think I'm kidding?! She would answer, "At the tone the time will be..." Some how, some way that soothed me. She was consistent. She was exact. She didn't lie to me. Time.

In the past ten years, I've become dependent on the Time operator... ALL my clocks were set precisely to her "consistent, exact, honest" time. I have felt secure in knowing my clocks were accurate.

The other day, I was mowing my yard...and I blew a circuit. Thus I had to reset ALL the clocks in my house. I got the phone and called the Time operator (853-1212)... and this is what I heard...

"Effective September 19, 2007 the time announcement information service has been discontinued. We apologize for any inconvenience."

ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME? INCONVENIENCE?! I'VE BEEN ABANDONED BY THE TIME OPERATOR!!! WHAT POLITICIAN CUT THE TIME ANNOUNCEMENT? GIVE ME HIS NUMBER ~ I WANT TO FILE A COMPLAINT!

It sucks... when you just want to hear a friendly voice and the only person you could ever truly count on to be there (night or day) has been discontinued... and it doubly sucks, when all the clocks in your house are reporting a different time!

My "fuck 'em" mother is getting married.

Wheels ARE spinning...

She's getting purple nail polish too...

Note that her ears are pinned back ~ that's when you KNOW a horse is pissed off! Grace only tried to kick him 2 x's! He said her back legs are swollen ~ prolly from kicking the metal fence or the other horses and she has "infections" in two hooves (I won't even go into what that means or what it's from ~ it's gross). But what that really means is ~ I have to pour peroxide in 'em daily AND paint her hooves with some stuff he couldn't spell, but it's purple.

When her "manicure" was all over... she cried on my shoulder. I am NOT exaggerating... she put her nose in my neck and pouted... even did the little lip quiver thing. It was when she attempted to BLOW her NOSE on my sweater that I put a stop to that... I told her to "man up"!

As Mike was leaving, he told me about two horses that were recently dumped in the river bed ~ they are up for adoption... Hmmmm think they'd get along with a wild baby mustang?

And we ARE moving! I'm waiting for the zoning permit thing... At first my Mom didn't go for it. So, I rallied the troops (my brother, sister, dad and our closest friends)... She didn't have a chance against all of us. I think she's just worried that if I get the zoning stuff approved... I'll end up with ALL kinds of animals ~ heck I'm already plotting ~ there's a llama in need of a home... a pot bellied pig at the pound... not to mention ALL them dogs! :)

*** we interrupt this program to bring you the following report. My friend JUST called... there's another horse in need of rescue... The lady went to look at him and said he needs a home ASAP. Hmmm my wheels ARE spinning...

Vet Check

So... Grace had her "vet check" today. Umm have YOU ever seen a horse dewormed? Me either. My friend called just before the doc got there...

She said, "Krista, have you ever seen a horse dewormed?"

I said, "ummm No."

She then proceeded to tell me, "... well they put a needle down her nose..."

I cut her off! I couldn't hear about it. So, the doc gets there... I get her harnessed and bring her out. The assistant gets a GOOD hold of her... I was going to take a picture of her first "vet check" (awww how cute), but when I came to.......... YOU think I'm kidding! It was HORRIBLE! She reared up and like 'ta took his head OFF. He said, "Lady, when she puts on some weight, you're gonna have a lot of horse to handle!" He mentioned something about her being "spirited" before he left. :)

I called K back, "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT WAS GOING TO BE THAT BAD?!"

She said, "WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?!"

Doc said she's still too skinny to ride. Her withers stand up so high... it would literally hurt her to put a saddle on. That's kinda a good thing, cuz I don't have a saddle. I'm trying to sell my Vespa ~ so that I can buy a saddle... And I am even more convinced that she WILL throw me (I've been thrown before ~ never mind that I broke my tail bone...and my nose...and my collar bone...and my head...) 'specially because I LED her to her trauma today. AND tomorrow she's getting a "manicure". Have you ever seen a horse get it's hooves trimmed? It ain't pretty.

My sweet, half starved mare... IS coming out of her emotional "coma". I WILL ride her. It's almost like breaking a horse for the first time...

Speaking of breaking a horse... the mustangs are arriving soon. Wild baby mustangs... I want one! I can break it...and the kicks won't hurt as bad. I've broken a horse before... nobody said it was easy. Some say ~ Mustangs can't be tamed. But then... some say that about me too!

Reggie

Reggie! My little man... died one year ago...

I found him running up the middle of a busy street in Santa Ana. Pulled over, got out of my car and called to him, "come here puppy." He stopped, looked at me and continued running. So, I tried again, "venga aqui pero". He understood and came to me! My new rescue spoke Spanish!

He was sick for a long time... I hand fed him ~ every 20 min. for a couple months. (yes, I was severely sleep deprived). On this day, last year... My Reggie died in my arms. I put him on the bed... held a mirror up to his face (to make sure there were no more breaths being taken) and wrapped him in a blanket... It was late, so I couldn't bury him or take him anywhere, so I put him in his "box" and closed it in the bathroom.

I went outside to inform the family of our little members' passing and heard a horrible wail come from inside the house. JoJo was standing at the bathroom door, crying. I opened the door (at his insistence) and he went to the box holding his little friend. He looked up at me, "take the lid off." I did. JoJo reached his big head inside the box, licked Reggie one last time then turned and went to his bed and cried all night... cried for weeks. He really grieved...

Though it's against the law... Reggie in buried in MY little animal cemetery.

Hair and Make-up

Grace and I played "hair and make-up" today. Well, okay there was NO make-up involved, but I did do her hair real pretty... She loved it! She's getting a "vet check" on Thursday and a "manicure" on Friday. Once I know she's "sound" and her feet aren't hurting her anymore (cuz her hooves are so bad and she's weak from malnutrition) I will start riding her.

I've been working with her everyday ~ she's learning how to be a horse again... just look at her go... Beautiful and GRACEFUL!

Have a Shay Day

A father offered a question: "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to sec ond!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball ... the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay" Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third!" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!"

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team. "That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world".

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

May your day, be a Shay Day.

two things

I have two things to say today...

1. My October article is out http://www.positivelyfeminine.org/compassion/kd/dreams.htm

2. I don't like mean, vindictive people...

Three against ONE?!

Light the Night was incredible. We had over a hundred people from our church walk in memory of Chuck! Did I mention "walk"? We walked the outside of the parking lot AND the entire second floor of the Angels Stadium...

Did I mention that working with a horse IS hard? Here is Grace acting like she took the bit with NO problem! Ummm 40 min. later I got it in her mouth! I just put it on (and the reins) for about 10 min. (just to get her used to it again). My gentle, half starved mare ~ who has filled in the ribs and sunken butt rather nicely AND aquired a slight "personality" ~ gave me HELL today. :)

I took her in the arena and lunged her today. With a 30 foot lead rope attached to her halter and my hand at the other end of that rope... I turned her out... waved the whip... and she BUCKED like a RODEO bull! Nearly pulled my arm out of the socket... Show NO fear Krista! Make NO mistake ~ she WILL throw me when I first ride her... and make NO mistake ~ I WILL wear a helmet. I have met my match indeed. I will NOT give up, until Grace and I are riding like old friends...

Now meet the instigators ~ the one's I believe to be responsible for my sweet horse's new "disposition". Bo (the grey gelding) is blind. He's a nice little old man... but follows Misty's lead (the brown mare that I lock in the stall when I take Grace out). Misty is mischievous ~ as she will lead Bo into fences, lock him in the stall or lock him out... just for FUN. I swear ~ I've watched her lead him into the water bucket...and I swear she laughs about it.

So... today ~ as my beautiful baby was BUCKING like a wild woman... I look over and see Bo and Misty rootin' her on from the side lines! Three against ONE ~ how is that fair?!

Diggin' in the past

WOW... Look what I found! 1987 Team USA! YAY!



btw I "retired" from baton twirling in 1989...

TRUTH and LOVE

The urge to be with horses can take hold at any age. These spirited creatures gallop through ancient myths, favorite childhood stories, wishes, dreams, and drawings. For many people, the desire recedes over time, into a secret corner of their heart. My heart has always desired the equine of my dreams... I have found myself more connected to the equine; perhaps because I have that same wild, spirited determination... Others try to "tame" me. Myself ~ longing for the freedom of the wild horse.

Unlike humans, horses refrain from suppressing so-called dark or negative feelings. As prey animals, it behooves them to see all emotion as information. It's just as important for horses to recognize when another herd member is afraid or playful, angry or boisterous, depressed or resting peacefully. Secure horses, like well-adjusted people, eventually become experts at "emotional agility" ~ the ability to get the message behind the emotion; adjust behavior, relationship, or environment accordingly; then let go of that feeling and return to homeostasis. Many human beings get caught in the vicious cycle of suppressing and then inappropriately expressing unwanted or socially unacceptable feelings, yet horses recognize and respond to the true feeling behind the facade, which is why it's difficult to hide fear, anger or sadness in their presence.

When you learn to sense and process emotion like horses do, you seem psychic compared with other people, which is no doubt one reason why equine myths often credit these animals with the ability to take riders between this world and the otherworld.

I LOVE my horse. I have found a "home" in her stall, communicating with her ~ connecting on a level humans have yet to fulfill ~ pure TRUTH and unconditional LOVE.

She doesn't lie to me. Nor could I lie to her, even if I wanted to (she'd know my true feelings). She doesn't care if my make-up is perfect, or if I am rich or poor, fat or skinny... She'd never betray me or tell my secrets to others... she's loyal!

If only everyone could have the benefit of having a horse for a friend... learning how to be authentic with their thoughts, feelings, true hearts desires... learning how to speak the TRUTH...learning how to be faithful and honest...wouldn't the world be a better place?

Chuck!

Chuck Obremski

September 18, 2005Today we remember a remarkable man... He was diagnosed with cancer, endured numerous surgeries, lived with horrific pain... and finished his race two years ago... Despite the "cancer coaster", Chuck NEVER missed a Sunday of preaching... at the end ~ he preached from a wheel chair, with his oxygen and morphine drip.

He FINISHED STRONG!

Watercolor Ponies...

Sitting in church... I had "the restless leg" syndrome going on. I just couldn't concentrate on anything, but a four legged beauty 20 min. away ~ Grace. No Carl's for me ~ I headed out to my true friend... and spent the afternoon with her. On the way, church lady called me and WOW what an offer. I may be moving Grace again tomorrow... Heck, I may be moving with her! I'll find out soon... Wonder if I can use the horse trailer to move my "house"? LOL and don't think I won't do it myself.

M made a video of my true heart and JOY ~ Grace is doing amazingly well... Yesterday, she "tested" me ~ just trying to put on her fly mask was an ordeal. I was MORE stubborn than she... Today, she lowered her head for me to put her mask on. With time, LOVE and TRUST... Grace will be ready to "work" with kids in the near future.

Grace is HOME

I'm too tired to bloP tonight... So... another day... but Grace IS HOME.

Memoir

I told Nick, I was going to buy him a "memoir" to write about his "life with Krista"... My poor family. Oh how I feel for them... I've ALWAYS been like this ~ there's little hope of me changing... Always finding an animal in plight. Always getting into some kind of a "scrape". And they are ALWAYS there to help me out. If there was an easier way to describe myself to YOU (dear reader) I would encourage you to watch Ann of Green Gables ~ I am MOST like ANN! Yes, hard to believe isn't it? I AM headstrong and determined... and stubborn (sometimes to the detriment of myself).

So... because the cost of transporting a horse way exceeds what I can afford. I figured I could do it MYSELF. Do it MYSELF? Have I ever moved a friggin horse? NO! But "do it MYSELF" has been my motto my entire life! And I'm a firm believer in "never give up. never surrender."

A million phone calls later, I was able to commandeer a horse trailer (free). Did I mention that I'm determined? I con'd Nick into letting me use his truck... Naturally the man wouldn't give it up ~ so he went with me. Have you ever tried to hook up a horse trailer with a man with MS? So... we forgot to put the ball down ~ thus the trailer wasn't fully attached... therefore at any min. it could have disconnected and we would have prolly been KILLED. Ah, but it was the "no tail lights" that was the true problem. Stopped at the auto parts store... but they didn't have what we needed. The clerk... nice guy. He offered ME to hook the trailer up to HIS truck and go get my starving mare!

I just looked at him, "uhhh you're not from around here are you?"
He blushed, "No ma'am, I'm from Illinois."
"Well buddy, THIS is California and you NEVER give your vehicle to a stranger."

To the next store. No part. And NO more day light. I DROVE the light less monster back to Nick's house, where my friend Michele met us with...the wrong part. (I've now roped another person into my horse rescue going wrong). Another parts store. YaY! We got it! In the pitch dark, hooking up the adapter... MS man wobbling around, loyal friend UNDER the trailer hooking up the plugs and me with a smoke in one hand, a flash light in the other... we got tail lights! but NO headlights!

Grace was NOT rescued yesterday... but I refuse to give up!

Going to the store now to buy Memoir's for my entire extended family and my faithful friends...

Liminality

I stand at the crossroads in Liminality

it's here I must choose the land of

fantasy or reality

The decision is mine

it's my choice to make

I struggle with the fear

of making a mistake

Fantasy is the land

with pink elephants and lemonade

where carrousels are free

and march on parade

There are no tears in this

land to find

only polka dotted flowers and

magical rhymes

Reality is the land

with logic and reason

where the mind is intended

for scholarly legions

Here man struggles

for individuality

to find true meaning and

life's causality

I cannot decide which road to take

For if I choose one the other I negate...

Because I cannot decide

which land to plea

I choose to abide in

Liminality

KBD

I wrote this poem some time ago... It was actually the first thing I ever published... From time to time I find myself standing at that same crossroad... I clearly have two choices ~ which one do I take? My heart tells me one direction, My head tells me another. Ya know ~ sometimes I think it WOULD be easier to be a "tin man" with NO heart at all...

Remembering...

Let us remember those lost... and those left behind...and may we be THANKFUL for our loved one's we still have...

Amazing Freedom!

I apologize for the delay... I was bloPPing and my friend showed up. Ya know your friends feel "safe" with you, when they can just show up at your house, sit on your couch and cry. NO need for words... just space to cry...

Carousels

Carousels
Their Creator made them each unique ~ with their own blend of colors and shaped ever slightly different. Some are shy, some are bold...some run, while others walk...but they are all bound to the carousel by a single pole ~ cutting deep into their hearts.

The horses are beautiful ~ intricately designed...hand crafted and painted with precision and detail. There are miniature carousels ~ just for display...set up on a shelf ~ rarely touched...sometimes noticed and admired. And then there are the BIG carousels...with the lights and jolly music. People travel from all over to ride the horses...children laughing, parents taking pictures, lovers holding hands...it's like everything comes to life ~ even if only briefly...it's all so meaningful and... happy.

Soon the players all go home, the lights go out, the music stops and everything stands still. The carousel horse, yes beautiful with it's special design, stands alone...untouched...bound to the carousel by a single pole cutting deep into it's heart.

I believe ~ in the silent moments of the night...if you'd stand real still and quiet...you can see the tears of the carousel horse ~ longing to be free.
KBD

Harp, Friends and Japan?

Peter Sterling ~

http://harpmagic.com/

It was a small gathering... and what an AMAZING experience! I think I was the only geek with a camera so... I didn't take very many pictures. Peter ~ YOU are incredible! Egypt? Yeah... I would LOVE to go to Egypt with you guys. GAIL!!! It was So GOOD to see you! We WILL do that "relax" day at the beach soon... thank you for believing in what I'm doing. Carolyna ~ the TEA VEE lady ~ beautiful as ever!

So many interesting and wonderful people there... I met some folks from Japan ~ the invitation was laid before ME... They invited Peter, Gail, Em and myself to Japan for a tour... Are YOU kidding me? I don't know exactly where I fit in to that... Peter's an amazing harpist, Gail ~ an extraordinary visionary, Em too... but me? I'm just a girl from a small town with ugly nails, choppy hair and BIG dreams... I told them about what I'm doing with the horses... and the one little Japanese woman got teary eyed. They WANT to help!

Of course there were people I thought I recognized, but had NO clue WHO they were... That's what happens when you don't watch Tea Vee. That's why Disney always had ME work the celebrity parties ~ cuz I didn't know who anyone was ~ and I wouldn't slobber all over 'em. :)