Pocket Full of Rocks (#2)

Then I began to collect rocks from other people & myself...putting them into my pocket and carrying them everywhere I went.

"You're not good enough"
"You're not smart enough"
"Something is instrinsically wrong with you"
"Your own mother didn't love you enough"

The burden became unbearable. I was totally defeated laying in that bed in the ICU. They called my family and pastor in, where they prayed over me as I lay dying (literally)... bleeding internally and dying from Anorexia Nervosa. I was so thin, you could see my backbone through my stomach. I was, once again, failing to thrive. I remember hearing the doctor say, "it'll be a miracle if she lives."

From the hospital, I was sent to an inpatient treatment facility for my eating disorder. Those were the worst 10 weeks of my life. However, something happened for me there...

Every morning, I'd go out to the edge of the ranch where the wooden cross rose up from the desert floor. I'd kneel at that cross and pray, "I don't want to die." Every morning I'd watch the sun rise, and every morning I was thankful to be alive.

One by one I laid my collection of rocks down at the foot of the cross...

"You're not good enough"

"You're not smart enough"

"Something is intrinsically wrong with you"

"You're own mother didn't Love you enough"

I laid them down... then I exchanged those rocks with rocks of TRUTH.

"I am loved"

"I am valuable"

And I filled my pockets with the rocks of Truth! I stand before you today with 10 years of recovery and another lesson I have learned along the way...