Ahhhh I got my feet up underneath me again... Yesterday was a "White Knuckle" day. So many emotions; so many thoughts...
I was sitting out back in the early morning, drinking my coffee, having my quiet time... watching a little worm making its way across the cement. Lost in thought ~ finding my center ~ and right before my eyes, a bird came out of nowhere and scooped up the little worm. "HEY!" but I was helpless to do anything. I bet that was the end of that little worms Serenity!
Isn't life like that? Sometimes we are just tootin' right along, minding our own business and something comes out of nowhere and shakes up our Serenity? Was it within' our control? I think it's a bit of a "yes" and "no" answer...
Yes, because we choose our path ~ we choose to stay in the grass where we can safely stay in the blades ~ never taking risks or (essentially) hiding from life or we can cross the open expanse...opening ourselves up to whatever life brings us.
No, because we can not control other people or their choices... And sometimes our Serenity IS shaken up a bit...
Kind of by accident (although I do not believe in accidents) I ended up talking to HER (the one that wrote that e-mail). And I DO believe the "Stand Off" is over. Things happened. Things were said. But it's out of my control... I can't go back and "unDO" things or "unSAY" things or "unBE" things...
So watching that worm being scooped up, I finally realized it's all out of my control. I can't make somebody speak the truth, I can't make somebody forgive, I can't make somebody care. I can't... I can't... I can't... I cried after I talked to her (and I believe during the call too) as the brevity of it all came crashing down around me...I lost people that I cared about, I lost trust, I lost hope... and nothing can bring that back.
Thus my "White Knuckle" day... "Okay forgive, but don't forget". Nah Nah Nah... "Forget too... but defend yourself." Nope..."Forgive, forget and let 'em think what they will... I know my heart..."
Dang it!
Forgiveness: God is God and he can put the things we do into the sea of forgetfulness, but we are human. God gives us lessons to learn and if we forget what happened, what led us to the places we were when things happened, then we may cross the same path again or have to learn the lesson all over again. I pray that I know the difference and can learn from the experiences I have in my life. I say Yah, remember, but not with bitterness, give the rest of the rememberance to God, but remember the parts that are important to the lesson and please God, keep my steps on the path You have set before me and let them learn their lessons without me getting in the way. I pray in Jesus name...AMEN!
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