Felt very calm when my brother drove me to the airport... This time I knew what to expect. Checked in. Security stole my lighter! Osama! Not much anxiety flying... either I was too tired to care or something indeed has begun to change in me... I left OC feeling small. scared. hurt. betrayed. anxious. yes, excited too... Had a mild emotional set back just before my trip... rather than give the credit to my ex friend and her friend throwing me under the bus... I'll blame pms, cuz I really don't care what those two say or do...
Grief can be like a thunderstorm ~ blue sky suddenly giving way to black. We can be caught off guard by the hurt of what we have seen, what we have felt. Mourning has consumed many of us in a crashing downpour of pain. Thankfully, heaven's blue is permanent...grief's dark clouds are not. Gradually, if we hold fast and keep standing, our grief-blackened skies will once again give way to the enduring blue. So, I got a little "ugly" (in my blog). Perhaps the most important thing I remember about my "ugly" phase is that it's just a phase... It has a beginning and an end. Some people are "ugly" year 'round...
Feeling tattered, rejected, battered by "love"... I landed in Texas and did some serious soul searching... Love has risen out of the dross, and like a stream through the desert, it trailed in it's magnificent wake... life. Out in the country, watching the sun make it's appearance... tears of redemption began to fall. In a single, quiet moment, the direction of my heart changed.
Love is like that. It soars above the boundaries we absently confine it to. It breaks through what we mistake as unbreakable. It redeems captives once thought nonredeemable as it roars over their crumbling dams of uncertainty. No matter what we might observe on the surface, like an arrow that cannot be pulled out, Love's TRUTH pierces the heart with undeniable permanence. It costs the giver nothing... it gives the receiver everything! It is the most valuable treasure, worth far more than all the combined wealth the world has ever known... yet, it is free to give. Whatever shape or presence it inhabits, love matters... perhaps more than we know. Pure LOVE, refined of all the dross the world associates with it...truly changes our very foundation. I left Texas... feeling strong, bold, beautiful, valued and LOVED.
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