Vinnie

My cat is trying to kill me!! I know that sounds dramatic and there's a good chance that it is, but I'm kind of serious. I mean... I am allergic to him, but that's not how he's trying to kill me. The ONLY reason he is even IN my house is because of the extreme heat and I don't want the little shit to die. So... they are all locked inside with the AC on.

The other night I kind of woke up and could just make out the shape of a HUGE blob on my nightstand. I was alarmed, but also still asleep so my brain wasn't quite firing fast enough for me to react. I grabbed my phone and took a picture in the dark, but figured the flash would catch whatever it was.

 

Vinnie!!!!

What was he doing you ask???? 

Well... It was dark. So I just kept taking pictures... Turns out he was taking his sweet time drinking water from MY glass... That I drink out of during the night.                                                                                                                                                        But that's not the worst part...                                                      

Even after I turned the light on... He  didn't stop. When he had enough... he just casually sauntered off and laid on my bed and I'm pretty sure I heard him say (in his mafia voice),                                                                                                                                                                          "What'da gonna doing about it, bitch"?

                             

What was I going to do about it? I'm SO OCD and the idea that I have been drinking after a cat for gawd knows how long... ughhh!!!! It's at times like these that I really resent my doctor for NOT putting me on anxiety medication... or tranquilizers!

And yet... THAT's not even how Vinnie is trying to kill me (as bad as it is to realize I have been drinking after a cat!). Words are not enough to lay out the cat-murder-plot, so these pictures will do it best. 

I know that seems innocent enough... BUT consider for a moment WHERE those paws have been!!!!

I believe his plan is to kill be by litter and poop. I mean kitty litter has been proven to cause serious health risks...  

Here's what Google says...

Overexposure to ammonia—as urine and feces accumulate in the litter box, ammonia fumes are produced. Ammonia is a toxic gas that, at the mildest, causes queasiness and headaches and, at worst, may result to serious respiratory problems like pneumonia.

This is the major danger to humans from litter boxes and cats in general. Toxoplasmosis is caused by a parasite in the cat feces. ... It is often found in cat feces and so the litter box is a definite area of exposure.

According to WebMD... I have a few hours to live. In those hours... Imma fix that cat good!

NOW he will drink out of the cat fountain... 

And NOW I have another problem with Vinnie... The dogs are pissed!!